March 1st
Fresh News - A horrible day!
I know, I know, I know...I said I would tell you about my studio, but
something very unique happened to me the other day, well I'm not sure
the word is unique; crazy, bizarre, amusing, unbelievable.... I am
trying to think of descriptive words. After I am done telling the story
you think of a descriptive word for it.
In my other life, when I am not having fun fusing glass in my new (used)
hotbox kiln, working with a hot torch, or just stringing beads, my job
requires that I have a food handlers' permit. I don't handle much food,
but the requirement is there. So, last week I drove into the big city to
renew my permit.
I got there a little early, sat in my car and read a magazine, and after
awhile I noticed someone had put up a large sandwich board sign that
read, "Food handlers' permit parking on the lower level." So I moved my
car to the lower level and sat there for awhile. The class was to begin
at 9:30, but we were supposed to arrive 30 minutes early. So, at 9:00, I
walked to the upper level, to the front of the building. There were
about a hundred people standing in line. Many Hispanics, Chinese,
Japanese and Middle Easterners were in this line. I overheard a lot of
beautiful languages and especially among three Hispanic women near me,
some friendly, lively conversation (some of which I could understand).
Before long there were about 200 people in line and it was beginning to
pour. No one had an umbrella. So we just all stood there, in the rain.
Much earlier I saw several people try the front door of the building and
it was locked shut.
Soon a woman with a lanyard and a whistle came and stood before us, with
her back to the parking lot. She blew her whistle.
"If you are parked in this lot, I will have your car towed! This lot is
for other people! It is not for you to use! You have 5 minutes to get
your car outta' this lot and in the lot below!"
She screamed this at us and as she screamed there was a tremendous
amount of translating coming up and down the line in about 5 different
languages and then, suddenly the line broke apart and lots of people ran
to their cars as she was screaming "Didn't you read that sign? You have
5 minutes or you will be considered late for class!"
More translations
going on now. The group of lively Hispanic ladies near me were smiling,
they had read the sign.
So, we moved a little further toward the front of the line and slowly
the line grew behind us.
The boss lady, as I will now refer to her from here on out, unlocked the
door and blew her whistle.
"When you come in this door, you will show me your identification, give
me the $10 fee, get a clipboard and a pencil and a book and sit down!"
She blew her whistle again and we started going into the building. When
I got close enough I could hear her say, "Spanish! get the Spanish
instruction book! Spanish speaking people have to sit in the back, on
the left, last 3 rows! Hey, you are Chinese! Get the Chinese instruction
booklet! Japanese and Chinese on the right, in the back! Last 3 rows! Go
sit down! Now!"
I looked in the back of the room and there were 2 men, one was Hispanic
and he stood on the left and a Japanese man stood on the right. They
were the boss lady's helpers.
When we were all finally in the room, the boss lady blew her whistle and
stood up in front of us.
"This program will last 2 1/2 hours. You will not be allowed to leave
the building! So, if that's too long for you, you better get up and
leave now!" A handful of people did actually leave and this boss lady
was being so rude and mean, I thought maybe I would leave, too.
"There will no talking during this test! Did you understand that?" More
translations coming from the entire room. "Quiet!"
I am pretty certain everyone stopped breathing.
She began her prepared talk on the health food program and food borne
illnesses. She picked up a rubber chicken from the table and swung it
through the air, talking about salmonella and how easy it is to
cross-contaminate food items. She quickly brought out a rubber hot dog,
with mustard and ketchup and a bun and rubbed it against the rubber
chicken.
"What does a raw chicken and a hot dog make!" She asked.
Someone in the room yelled, "A sick hot dog!" A few people laughed, but
she got very mad and asked the question again. I wanted to say
"Salmonella!" But, at this point I really did not want to draw any
attention to myself. Some other fool yelled, "Salmonella!"
She shot back, "It took you long enough! I hope you are quicker on the
test with your answers!"
The lady next to me whispered, "Yes, mother."
"Soup Nazi." I whispered back. The lady looked like she didn't get it,
and I took that to mean she had not seen that Seinfeld episode.
The boss lady started the film and we watched it quietly. She passed out
the test. In great length she explained how to take it. I looked at the
clock. An hour to take the test. Yes! Surely I could pass if I had an
hour to answer 50 questions and we had our books!
The 3 men in front of me were Russian and they began whispering. The
Spanish translator overheard them and the boss lady threw one of them
out and separated the other 2.
She blew her whistle. "If you talk I will think you are cheating! Do not
talk during this test! Now pass all of your booklets to the center aisle
now! When you are done taking the test form a line over there, and when you
come through the line, I will run your test through the scoring machine.
If you pass, you may go to that table over there and pick up your health
card. If you do not pass, you will have to sit over here and wait until
everyone has gone through the line, and then I will tell you when and
where you can go and try and take this test again!"
She blew her whistle. "Begin taking the test!"
Now that I didn't have the book anymore I was a little more concerned.
In fact, to be honest, by that time I was so nervous and sweaty that I
could hardly hold my pencil. My hands were shaking and I was afraid I
would accidentally make an extra mark on the paper and she had already
told us that would count against us.
I began the test. It seemed fairly easy. It was everything we had just
watched in the film or talked about.
I looked at the clock. I was halfway through. I finished the test and
went over my answers.
The line had been forming for some time now. People were done, but there
were about 10 people sitting in the 'did not pass' section. I had been
so busy reviewing my answers that I didn't realize some people were not
passing. They looked very embarrassed. That made me nervous, so I went
over my answers again.
She yelled at somebody. "That is right! I said you did not pass! Sit
down over there! I said sit down!" The Chinese man helper came and
translated that to the man that did not pass. He did not sit down and
instead, left the building.
I went over my answers again. A person could only miss 6. She yelled at
someone else. An older Chinese lady was crying in the 'did not pass'
section.
I went and stood in the line. One of the Hispanic ladies I had overheard
earlier was sitting in the 'did not pass' section. She was smiling, but
shaking her head, "no", at her other friends who were still in the line.
They passed. By the time I got to the boss lady, there were about 40
people in the 'did not pass' section
and about 30 more still behind me in line or still taking their test. I
was so nervous I could hardly stand. I got to the table. The boss lady
looked at me. She took my test. She ran it through the machine.
"Perfect score!" She screamed.
People looked at me. There were some translations being whispered in the
'did not pass' section. If there had been a place to hide, I would have
been in it real fast.
"Be quiet!" She yelled at the 'did not pass' section.
I went to the other table and got my heath card.
Then I went into the bathroom and stayed in there for 20 minutes.
When I came out, everyone was gone. My heart started racing, I was so
afraid that all of a sudden the boss lady would come out of nowhere. I
slipped out the front door.
Outside, the 3 Hispanic ladies were standing near their car, talking. I
walked by and the one who was sent to the 'did not pass' section smiled
at me. I smiled back, got in my car and drove 25 minutes to the closest
bead store.
Now this is the part that you will absolutely not believe. This is when
you have to come up with a descriptive word for this story or some kind
of explanation as to why this happened.....
I walked into the bead store and saw the boss lady standing by the seed
bead table. She was still wearing her lanyard and whistle.
I turned around and walked out, drove home and took a three hour nap on
the sofa.
Linda Lou
Live for color and the rhythm it creates
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January 13, 2007
January 24, 2007
February 7, 2007
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